Jack of all trades

If I had a penny for every time someone tells me I'm a "Jack of all trades", I'd probably be able to buy a ticket to all of my dream destinations. If you add the times people were a little more polite and tried to euphemize the term and tell me l'm "Multi-talented", book me a villa in Italy now. The latter provides a little more comfort though, as if somehow, even if you know what they actually mean, there's still some appreciation. Add "master of none" to the first one, et voila... depression. It's hard enough to know this fact within yourself. Then you hear it from someone else and it's a huge brick falling on your ego, erm, head, I mean. The old adage, "the truth hurts" could not be any more true.

If you ask people who knew me back in elementary and high school who I was, they wouldn't be able to tell you anything. Nothing substantial at least. Quite recently, I even had a high school friend tell me she thought I had transferred after the freshman year. I'll charge that to a bad memory. Even so, that's just salt to an already gaping wound. To realize that I have absolutely no distinguishable personality, not then, not now. The only thing I had going was probably arts and crafts, but I'd only get to enjoy it at home by myself because I would get teased in school.

It wasn't until my senior year, when I somehow got into the theater group, that I started exploring more and more. Being in the theater group, I discovered my love for musicals, which then fueled my love for different types of music. Getting into college, still through a theater group, I found friends who shared the same interests, that eventually led me to folk dance and introduced me to dance sports. I finally settled into an arts course and finished my degree, while keeping my dancing and theater alive on the side.

By this time, I had come to love the arts so much that finding a job would prove to be disheartening. Like any kid fresh out of college, I was disgustingly full of idealism. That's not at all too bad, but ultimately, I had to surrender to the cold hands of reality and learned to work with and around the pressures. I couldn't be stopped though. Somehow, I still found ways to explore my creative side. I went into photography, styling, visual merchandising, conceptual development, writing, hosting, even fashion design (which was horrible, by the way). I tried everything I could dig my hands into. I had fun. All the while of course, I'd hear people tell me I'm indecisive, irresponsible or afraid to commit. That would get me in to some days feeling worthless. I'd blame myself for being the way I am. I start to realize how I never really fit in anywhere. Some days I think, this can't be normal. Some days I'm convinced I need a shrink. No one would really agree to that and so I end up taking quizzes online to try and get some kind of understanding of myself. It gets so depressing and disappointing that sometimes I end up crying alone in bed. One of those nights, I told myself to just accept what everyone says about me and went online to try and look for answers. What I found, I never would have expected.

I was looking to get an answer to how I could finally figure out what I really wanted. I didn't find it.

What I found instead was the term, Multipotentialite. Sure, I guess it's just another euphemism, but it made so much more sense. At the time, it was a bit of a relief to just, at the very least, know and hear that there are so many struggling with what I was going through. I wasn't the only one. There are so many more out there that don't have "One true calling".

Wikipedia defines a Multipotentialite as "a person who has many different interests and creative pursuits in life." Going through much of what has been written on the subject, I learned that the best way to work with your multiple interests is not to pick one. I was floored. For half of my life I've been told to just pick one and stick with it. For half of my life I went on exploring to see if I'd find anything I liked best that I could stick with. For those of you who don't identify with any of these, you'd probably find it complete and utter bullcrap. For me, and for the rest who understand, it removes all of the doubt and disappointment. More importantly, it removes all of the fear.

I learned that, instead of focusing on one interest, which is obviously hard for us, I have to look at all of them equally. I learned that I haven't been wasting my time exploring. All of these experiences are helping to shape a broader, fuller being. I learned that the best chance of finding success as a Multipotentialite is to take all of my interests and either put them together or look for a cross between all of them. Say for example, you have a passion for fitness, fashion and social media, maybe one way to go is to develop an app, blog or online store for workout clothing. That's a fairly easy example, but you get where this is going.

It could take a while until I find that right mix for me, or maybe I already have. The important thing here is that after learning all this, I no longer fear that I won't find my "calling". I'm not bothered anymore by voices telling me I'm confused. I finally have hope that there's definitely something out there for someone like me. And, even more importantly, I can be proud to say...

I'm a Jack of all trades, master of...

my own fate.